You left just now... called out to late night work. We just finished watching Ramona and Bezus as a family. You loved it. You laughed that infectious laugh at all my favorite parts. "This is you." you said. "This is a Dodi-ish movie if I've ever seen one." "Well, I certainly love it. I can't put my finger of who it reminds me of, I know its not one of my girls, but someone I know really really well. Maybe its a combination of all of them." I replied. "Silly girl. It's you. This is your mind, except you are much cleverer. Don't you think I know your little girl self hiding in there?" "Hmmmph." I answer.
You kiss me on the head as you go to leave. "Please get that movie. It is awesome! It's even a Sunday movie." You drive out. I start to tidy the kitchen. Why on earth would a tough guy love Ramona & Bezus? And what on earth makes him connect that movie with me? I am mostly quiet, intimidating, sensitive, well mannered, and well... somewhat refined. NOT RAMONA!!!
As I clear out the quinoa with freezer burn and wipe up cookie crumbs, I realize you love this movie because it parades two things you love about your life. If I think hard, I remember a little girl who walked outside in the moonlit snow hoping to get pneumonia. She romantically hopped up and down under her parents window so with one look at the tragic sight, they would be sorry they were so mean. This little girl trekked down the Black smith fork river as though on a tour of the Amazon, naming each curve and dip. She was a spit fire whose father had to weekly sit with her Sunday School class (to keep her from pulling chairs out from under the other children and otherwise driving the teachers insane). Without saddle or bridle, she jumped on a horse and heroically rode out into the pasture to round up the cattle loose in the alfalfa, only to be bucked off, and picked up by the minivan. I remember the pearls... and scarves worn every day in 4th grade, befitting a fine lady with a long elegant neck instead of a scrawny trouble maker with octagon wire rimmed glasses. Where did that funny little girl go? I forgot her...
But not you. You know even the parts she tried hard to forget, and strangely you are crazy about them. That's one of the reasons you love Ramona. The other reason is you see yourself, not as a child but as the father who sacrifices all to be a family man to the wild bunch that brings "color to his life." The father in the movie is devoted, crazy fun, and beloved by his three girls. This is you and who you seek to be - not a climber of a corporate ladder, a brilliant discoverer, or a distinguished anything... just an amazing dad.
The laundry now folded, I gasp at the beauty of you, loving Ramona and Bezus because you love us so very much. I just want to remember this. You see me.
Love you honey.
Midodi the Brave