John Lund says to take our frustrations to the Lord and our love to our families. I TOTALLY do the opposite. After all, my loved ones cause my frustration and the Lord fixes it right? Therefore, he deserves the love, they deserve the frustration. Hannah Whitall Smith tells me to keep a prayer journal and write things I prayed for down, then have a spot to record the answer.
I haven't started the prayer journal yet. But after today, I am going to. Romance is struggling. It is withering, smothered from daily life. Every night after the children go to bed, he goes upstairs, puts on his earphones and listens to his audio book. I sit downstairs, fuming. Doesn't he care about the relationship? Doesn't he want to reconnect? So many nights we have meetings, have tos, or he gets called out for work. Doesn't he care that we are strangers? So last night, he and Ladybug ask to go play tennis during our sacred marriage time. "Whatever." I reply. They take that as a happy yes and off they go.
Ooooooh! Well. I don't care anyway. Why do I need him to want to spend time with me? I have a million projects to do. I'll show him. I'll stop begging for time, after all, he should be the one begging. I won't say a word.
Hmmmm. This is passive aggressive. This doesn't help the real problem. But I've tried everything! Not prayer a little voice in my head whispers. "Take your frustrations to the Lord and your love to your husband." With water streaming over my head in the shower, I poured my heart out to the Lord and expressed my needs for attention, our marriages need for time, for conversation, my frustration over the situation. The impressions came immediately. "Be a disciple of Christ in word and in deed. Take no thought for the morrow. I will care for you. I will make up for your unmet needs. Lashing out, even passively, is not what I would do. "
The shower had not finished before my husband stood outside the bathroom. "I'll be downstairs finishing the dishes." What had he eaten at tennis? Had the Lord talked with him that quickly? I toweled off and came downstairs. "What would you like to do? Watch a movie or read?" After we settled into our leather chairs, "Is there anything you would like to talk about?" As a matter of fact there was... We hadn't had 5 minutes in a week and I had many things to clear. The night went well.
Today, he came home. Hug. Hug. Hug. "I want a snuggle." He said. "I'm craving hugs from you. You are so snuggly today." I started to cackle. "What!" Are you doing something magical to make me feel this way?" I just laughed some more. "Yes, I am."
The first entry in my prayer journal will read as follows:
Prayed: June 15, 2010 9:00 p.m. prayed for husband to feel the need and initiate more contact and time.
Answer: June 15, 2010 9:10 p.m. husband responded.