Hiawatha Trail

The Hiawatha Bike trail is a bucket experience.  (One to experience before you kick the bucket.)  FIFTEEN miles of old train tracks turned bike heaven winds through soaring mountains, crosses suspended train tressles, burrows under dozens of tunnels and crosses state lines.  

There is magic in whizing past such landscape without a roof, on your own power.  

The first tunnel is 1 1/2 miles of 40 degree wet, pitch darkness.  Bike lights or headlamps are required.  Creeks run along either side of the tunnel, accidents are common (we watched 3), if you are downed, you could get hypothermia before the rangers could make it in for you.  

Although I had a headlamp, it barely provided enough light for a small circle in front of me.  I was stiff with uncomfort as I wobbled uncertainly through the tunnel.  We had not gone far when I heard a terrified whimper from Little Mother behind me.  "Mom!  my light's gone out!" 

"Come right behind me.  Stay with me."  I commanded.  She whimpered, I checked every minute, "Are you with me?"  After what seemed like forever, when we saw a light in the distance.  When we emerged, Ladybug and Little Mother clamored on my lap.  "That was horrible Mom.  I was frozen and so scared."  We did not dare tell them that when the shuttle brought us back, we would have to travel the tunnel again. 

Greg, Deonne, Alex, Josh, Cody, and Megan joined us on our adventure.  Deonne and I often rode side by side, talking, sharing the beauty, and enjoying each others company. 

 

Alex and Little mother have been inseperable.  She serves and looks up to him, while he takes excellent care of her, waits while she uses the bathroom, or picks her up when she falls.  

Briz and Sunshine were connected - literally.  And no one felt prouder of their pedaling and achievement than chorteling little Sunshine.  

 

The trail was complete with ice water at strategic locations, tame chipmunks, stalagtites from the tunnels, and a healthy dose of terror.  We stopped for lunch, drinks, and fun.  

 

When we arrived, tired yet pleased to the beginning tunnel, I took my tag along and ran for a head start.  I led the group into the pitch black.  Little Mother confidently stated, "I'm not afraid this time.  I've got my mom right here and Alex has my back."  Well, I WAS afraid.  The entire group was following my lead and I felt the responsibility. I longed to look ahead, but saw nothing but blackness that caused me to swerve.   I focused on the small spot of light just ahead of me for that second, trusting it would be enough.  Then as I moved forward, I had just enough light to get through that second.  When I finally emerged with my group safe into the light, my relief was echoed in the sign, "Congratulations!  You've made it to the end of the Hiawatha Trail."

Just what makes a family?

What makes a family?  I’ve pondered this question ever since we discovered we could not bear children of our own.  What is the mysterious essence that makes family?  Our culture tells us family is everything… that no other success will make up for its failure.  We spend hours researching family trees, telling stories, and reading books all to strengthen “the family”. 

 If shared eye color or a reoccurring crooked toe are all it takes to make a family, Briz and I were sentenced by nature to a family less existence.   We decided to take a gamble… a leap of sorts to see if we could create a family without tree lines, or a super close genetic pool.   We theorized that love would pull us together into a family unit.  I wanted to experiment on the idea that love didn’t automatically brew in the blood or womb, but was consciously decided in the brain. 

The five of us couldn’t be more different.  We like different things, we have different temperaments, and we don’t look alike, yet the decision to love binds us together strong enough to inspire sleepless nights, and exhausted days. 

We drove through God’s country to the secluded farmhouse late at night.  We let ourselves in and walked into the kitchen.  The men sat around the T.V.  and silently stared at us for an uncomfortably long time.  “Can you take us to our trailer?”  I ask.  The white haired gentleman in overalls rose and silently walked us outside.   On the way out, Jeni and Doreen met us at the door.  Ladybug, this is Jeni.  Recognition filled her face with a slow smile.  She offered a long hug.  After tucking the children, I sat awake and hoped we were doing the right thing joining in Ladybug’s birth family reunion.  How would the next 2 days go?  How could we spend 48 hours with people we’d never even met?  I remembered that family has thus far been a conscious decision for us.  It would be so again.  Where there is love there is no fear.

We woke to family… family… and more family.  11 children, spouses, grandchildren, many married with children of their own converged on the yard the next morning.   

A quick walk through the hay field and we were hiking in the national forest.  Conversations with the teen boys showed them to be bright, kind, and sensitive.  We found we all shared a love of fossil hunting.  Within the next few hours, each little girl was clustered into a group of “cousins” their age.  

Water games, crafts, cooking lessons, ping pong, bike rides, and the coveted raffles kept them busy without so much as a peep for 2 days.  

I dove into the family reunion reserving nothing of myself for safety.  I anxiously engaged each person who crossed my path.  Not surprisingly, I didn’t meet a soul I didn’t like.  I sorrowed for those with difficulties such as cancer or harder things; I celebrated with the newly engaged.   

I warmed at the sight of Grandpa Rex in his farmer’s hat as he smiled his slow sweet smile.   I learned the secrets of candy success from Grandma Doreen. We were inducted into the family secrets of 2 year old dried marshmallows. 

I not only allowed Ladybug contact with Jeni and her new husband, I tried to create opportunities for it.  “After all” I told myself, “I am in the parenting business for the good of these little ones, not for my own glorification.”  Ladybug had many questions, for me… and for her.  I warmed at the joy with which her blood “family” greeted her and all associated with her.  

Our two days ended too soon.  “You’re just a part of the family.” Doreen told us.  “Please come to our next one,” said some teen aged girls, “You’re one of us now.”  Many E-mails and phone numbers were exchanged along with promises to meet for lunch.  We drove off amid tears and hugs. 

Family seems to be more than chance.  Added to the shared experience and similarities is an acceptance, a stretching and growing that stresses inclusion.  I can’t help but notice…in permitting Ladybug’s family circle to grow, we expanded our own.  Love is always the right choice.

Cousins

When I was young, our cousins were our closest and most long lived friends.  Each Sunday was spent at Grandma's or Nana's and the cousins would gather often.  We grew up together.  The only girl cousin my age lived in Texas.  With eager anticipation, I awaited for news of their annual summer visit.  Besides countless family parties, we always got at least one sleep over where secrets were shared, trouble was caused and bonds were made.  The Texas cousins always seemed so much more worldly wise than us little country bumpkins.  I held them in a bit of admiration.  The only flaw that marred their visit was that in their presence we were relegated into second class grand kids, and nieces.  We were certain that they were the favored ones, because we all, grandparents and uncles, doted on them. 

Memories flooded back as this week, Little Mother's special cousin, Seena came to stay.  As a mother, I am frustrated with my little one's late night giggling, constant requests for special favors and activities, and desires to impress her California cousin with her worldliness.   However, I do remember.  Every moment.  They prepared for the visit with several hour long phone calls in which they discussed everything from what they wanted to be when they grew up to the current temperament of their siblings.  Seena is gone now, but I am certain, that like my cousins, she will remain an indelible part of Little Mother's childhood.

I saw and spoke with my special Texas cousin at a reunion this last weekend.  I don't know her life struggles or successes.  We lost contact a few years after she married.  I hug her.  I still see her in there.  My heart is warm with shared years, with my anticipation and my admiration. 

We exchange information and a hope that we can reconnect.  I wonder if something similar will happen to my two little cousins who swear they are twins separated at birth.     I hope their relationship will carry them through the tough things ahead.  I hope that even when they realize that they are really different that they still love each other...Cousins. 

The Perfect Day

It was going to be the kind of day that made the strong, weak in the knees.  So much to be accomplished, the list alone was enough to pop my head back under the covers in defeat. 

I needed help.  My 9 year old and 5 year old struggled to accomplish their own chores.  How would they respond to my request for extra.  It's also summer.  They need adventures.  So I made a simple list... on one side, the work that needed to be accomplished, on the other, 3 simple adventures I could incorporate into my own requirements. 

Adventures

1.  Go to the $ store to pick up matching flip flops to decorate with her favorite cousin. (I needed to go to the salon next door for eyebrow waxing)

2.  Pick up a movie at Redbox (by where I pick up my Rx and few groceries we need), watch it with popcorn (while I iron and they fold socks)

3.  Take a bike ride to get a special treat. (To all of the above places).

The two not at girl's camp, marked off their lists one by one till it was time for our first adventure.

As we faced the mostly uphill ride for our errands, little Sunshine's feet pedaled faster and faster, 20 times to my one as she worked her miniature bike without gears.  "I can do it mom.  I ran the mile.  Emily can do it.  I can too."  She wobbled in and out, crashed once on grass, once on a light pole, and once on the sidewalk.   The sergeant's voice that sometimes escapes my throat, barks, "On the right! On the right!  Look up!  Look Up!  Stop!  Hey.  That's a car!  No more tricks.  Keep your feet on the pedals, not the handlebars or you'll never ride with me again!"  Now I know I parents bark from fear.  Well, take a look at my demonic dare devil who has only been riding 1 month.  I'm scared.

After our errands are complete, we pick our favorite treats and stop at the town fountain to munch.  We are hot so we cool off a bit.  Their heads rest on my shoulders.  We coast all the way home, our backpacks filled with groceries.

We work.

We watch Hatchi and cry over our folded socks and crisp colors.  They eat popcorn in cute containers.

We work.

We go out to eat at Chic Fill A  Kid's eat Free night.

"This is the luckiest day we've ever had." says Sunshine.

"You mean this summer?"  I query.

"No.  Ever."

We work till 9:00 p.m. I'm exhausted.

The disastrous basement that has been staring at us for 6 months is walkable.  The laundry is all done and pressed.  More wheat bread is made and delivered.  The girl's chores are complete.  Little Mother winds the cord around the vacuum.  "I feel awesome!  Don't you feel awsome Mom?" 

The day after was a complete party.  Swimming, one friend after another, special treats.... Sunshine declared it was a lucky day.  "But not as lucky as yesterday."

Why was yesterday so special I wonder?    I had a major "ah ha".  We protect our children too much...from hard work, from responsibility, from tasks that encourage independence.  1.The joy of biking, feeling the wind in your hair, zooming along from your own power coupled with the knowledge that YOU are capable of getting important places, that you need not be dependent on parents is heady stuff.  It must have been like riding your horse to town when they did that kind of thing. 2."It was a girl day."  said Sunshine.  They loved being with me all day.  Even when I got bossy and sharp.  3.  They felt the pleasure of completeing a ginormous task and witnessing the efforts of our labor.  

Accomplishment.  Joy.  Burgeoning Independence. 

Birthdays and Budgies

Good Morning Ladybug!!!  Happy birthday!

Yep.  More additions to the castle menagerie.

Pyewackit will love them just as she loved Rocky.

After a full day of a pool party with lots of crazy games, a pasta bar, cake pops, and flip flop craft with flowers, Ladybug declares it the best birthday ever. 

I bring in the dishes and fall asleep on the sofa.  The smile is my payment.

Gethsemene

In Primary today we introduced the kids to a new song we will use in our Sacrament meeting presentation.  The sound didn't work and you could barely hear it if you sat completely still.  The junior primary, aged 3-8, hushed their noisy feet and whispering voices till you could have heard a whisper from across the room.  In complete silence, they watched this clip.  When it was over, our most rambunctious little 5 year old jumped up and shouted, "Can we do it again?"  When he got a negative nod, he pled, "What about tomorrow?"

I have never seen or felt such reverence as I did today with my wild bunch of 50 children.  I knew they KNEW better than I did of what this song mentioned.  They accepted it with a full and immediate heart.  I am humbled by the greatness of their souls.

Enjoy.

Exploration

My chicks are exploring outside the nest.

Little Mother went to visit her aunt, uncle and cousins in Wellsville for a few days.  She came back and hid from me for about a half an hour.  When we talked about it this evening, she discovered that she felt that her "great visit" had changed her, that she was different and a different Little Mother didn't know how to greet her Mama.  Tomorrow, Lesa, a good friend of mine, is taking her with her grown children boating.  She will have another different kind of experience than she is used to.  She will stretch, beat those wings a bit more, come to understand herself a bit more and have a blast.  

Next week Ladybug leaves for girl's camp.... 5 days. Hikes, fun leaders, teamwork, girl's talk, testimony meeting.  She doesn't know it yet, but her world is about to change.  She will come back a different little Ladybug. 

This exploration is bittersweet.  I find myself reluctant to let them go.  I selfishly want to be there for each new experience, when they discover new ways of doing things, when they discover depths in themselves, when they experience the first stirrings of testimony.  I don't want to miss a moment.  I'm their Mom for crying out loud. But I know that my continual presence can be a detriment to their growth. 

I find myself in conflict with me.  We've had a good talking to, explored our feelings, and I think I understand myself a bit better.

Growth comes from new experiences, new people, distance from the nest, beating those wings just a bit.  I've experienced that each encounter imprints new thoughts and ideas about the world.  How fortunate I am to have friends, family, that are good people, great people to sheperd my fledgelings.  If they must spread their wings, how wonderful to do it in the company of high moral standards, good habits, and love.

I fought so hard for custody of these little ones.  I even kept the right sized extinguisher close to the stove per government regulation.  I cried happy tears as the judge declared each one to be my legal child.   Mine.  All mine.  I didn't realize that each day I'd give them up more and more... that their whole childhood was teaching them to fly away from me.

YET...  In allowing them to fly, in giving them to themselves to discover, they return freely... not out of need for food or shelter but for love.

Fly little ones Fly.

Clyde Lake

In the early days of our marriage, when Briz would get stressed out by too much work and school, I'd load the electric blue Ford Escort and kidnap my husband.  To his dismay, I'd drive over dirt roads, uncharted grass meadows, and even over small streams till I found the perfect spot.  Perfect meant no people within miles.  No people within earshot.  No cars shifting.  No telephone lines and preferably no cow dung.  Armed with our mosquito repellent and our boots, we interacted with each other and the world on natural terms.  

With the advent of our three little girls, our outdoor adventures moved to anywhere we could take the camper.  It wasn't quite the same, but the sleeping arrangements were much more comfortable.  With the demise of our old camper, our expeditions have faded, that is, until this weekend.  We discovered our girls could backpack!

I wondered.  I worried.  How could a five year old hike three and one half miles of steep terain loaded with a backpack that tipped her over?  Worries were needless.  They were troopers. The remaining snow pack gave my littlest ample entertainment for the hike.  

"I can do it.  I CAN do it.  I can do IT."  My littlest chanted over and over. Three quarters of the way there, MY back ached and I took heart from her chant.  How could I do less?  

The high Uintahs are spectacular.  Dotted with literally thousands of lakes, we visited six of them.  We set up camp on the shores of Lake Clyde, which purportedly had excellent fishing.  Ladybug and Briz obsessed over the fishing. 

Little Mother and Sunshine played imagination games in the tent and on the rocks that stuck out like so many teeth over the mountain. 

 

I took off on my own, to discover new lakes, to track deer and stare down a cheeky martin who was checking me out. 

As the fire crackled, we read from the Friend, and told personal stories.  Briz shared some of his deep thoughts and feelings with our small ones.  They hung on every word.  After each had taken a turn, Sunshine remarked, "I can tell Jesus is here right now."  You know what?  I think she was right.  

Briz and I always wait by the fire till the tent emits no more noise.  With pajamaed wonder, I left the fire to sit on the ancient rock slab and gaze at the star canopy.  Soon a ghostly figure that resembled my spouse in tightly fitting waffle pattered long underwear walked toward me.  We sat back to back to identify constallantions.. 

Twelve a.m. backpacking nirvana is over.   Little Mother stood up screaming with night terrors.  She thrashed and yelled, cried, and kicked.  Ladybug, completely appalled, kicked back, then added her own indignation to the tent party.  I held, rocked, and tried to soothe Little Mother the entire night, every 20 minutes or so.  Briz tried to control Ladybug's anger.  Sweet Sunshine slept peacefully.  Briz and I felt we had wandered into our own private camping purgatory.  

With dawn, all but the parents forgot there was such a thing as a bad night and the explored, fished and loved each other.  Far from the maddening crowd, they were free from fashion constraints, schedules, expectations, and structure.  They were angels.

Lessons learned:  

1.We need a second tent.

2.  Freeze dried food is decent and lighter than tin foil dinners.

3.  Don't forget the T.P.

4.  Adventures haven't stopped, they've just become wilder.  

A new group of lakes is awaiting me.  I've already plotted out some routes on line. 

Celebrating July 4

"Briz, We need to celebrate the 4th."

"Go for it."

I don't think I have the energy to do much on my own this year.  Maybe I'll do something... no that sounds too complicated.  I'm in the mood to celebrate, but have someone else plan the fun.   Friday night comes and no one else has planned the fun.  I pick up the phone, dial a few friends.  Potluck Breakfast! 

The weather is perfect.  The kids celebrated with their friends.  Melanie cooks us all pancakes outside on the Coleman.  I enjoy the beautiful outdoors. 

Later on,  a little friend (one of my students, Mya) calls.  Her parents need to go visit her brother in jail.  I have determined to be a second mother to her, to give her a safe place when she needs one.  I had not planned for further celebrations, but sometimes all we need is a little push. 

Her attendance at our cookout and  fireworks makes a real celebration.  The children hung on her and she was a champ. 

We bump into friends, we dance, we chat, we celebrate, we come home late, very tired.  But it's only once a year. 

Love Actually

For all you techies out there:

Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1.
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do?
Signed,
Desperate
———————
Dear Desperate,
First, keep in mind that Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Please enter the command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html, download Tears 6.2 and be sure to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If those applications work as designed Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.
However, please remember that overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1. Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.
Whatever you do DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (It runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)
In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0-program. This is an unsupported application and will crash Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Cooking 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.
Good Luck!
Tech Support

This was posted at Love, Actually, a site I frequent to get ideas on how to romance my sweetie.  

Miss Happiness and Miss Flower

Mom success.  

I'm happy tonight.  Often my brilliant ideas fall short of expectations or are downright disastrous.  This one went just about as planned.  

Our Mother/Daughter's first Book Club book was Miss Happiness and Miss Flower.  It appears to be a children s classic that I had missed.  By the same author that wrote Holly and Ivy, Nona finds herself as she seeks to make her new dolls happy.  I love an author that knows that dolls can talk.  Anyone who's loved a doll can tell you they are quite chatty.  

Little Mother watched my preparations and as she saw the seriousness with which I treated the event, she rushed to get ready in a dress (ladies wear special clothes to this type of thing).  She even added lip gloss for that final touch.  

In honor of the Chinese dolls the girls knelt around the table then served their grown up "green tea" (mint julep), Japanese Moon Cakes, and Shumai (Crab Dumplings).  We made a summer wish and tied it around a bamboo branch in honor of the Japanese Star Festival.  (Our family will celebrate July 7).  

We even had a bit of excitement when one of the decorations caught on fire and Melanie heroically carried it outside.  I was so thrilled.  This is the stuff memories are made of.  Everyone was excited for our next Group night.  Little Mother was planning what outfit would match the theme of the book and even Ladybug joined in the excitement by chiming her approval of the book and cleverly planning to be the first one done.  So, little girls immediately started reading- with excitement.  I like that.  Homer Price is book number 2.  Any of you care to join us in our read?